


A Night For Firsts

by TheAlchemistsDaughter



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Awkward Sex, Bad Sex, F/M, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, POV Ben Solo, PWP, Size Difference, Size Kink, They both have some sexual experience but not p-in-v, awkward virgins, sex without love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-03-26 09:59:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19003486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAlchemistsDaughter/pseuds/TheAlchemistsDaughter
Summary: Hoping to finally lose his virginity at the age of 32, Ben attends a special speed-dating event for virgins.He is mortified when Rey walks in.She, on the other hand, is delighted to see him there and pulls him into the hotel next door.





	1. Chapter 1

Sex was not worth _this_.

Not having _done it_ at the mature age of thirty-two was a matter of some embarrassment to Ben. It didn’t plague him now as often as it had when he was in high school or college, but still. It nagged at him from time to time, in a little voice that sounded like Snoke’s, calling him a loser and a failure and disgusting. Ironic, since it was Snoke who told him love, sex, and relationships were for fools and animals, that women would only hurt him.

Still, one night couldn’t matter, surely? He only had to do it once to not be a- a _virgin_ anymore, and then he could go back to work as if nothing had happened. _He_ would know, he would in fact have _carnal knowledge_ , but Snoke never would. Snoke would be none the wiser, and Ben could pat himself on the back for graduating into the confident adulthood the rest of the world enjoyed.

This, however, was surely not the best way to do it. This was a moment of madness. It had seemed like the height of efficiency. No need to go alone to some strange bar and hunt down a willing female with all the absence of skill of the complete novice he was. Instead he had signed up to a speed dating night specifically for virgins looking to lose it.

It was called First Time Speed Dating. Obvious but discreet enough that, if anyone asked, the line was that it was just for speed dating virgins, people who hadn’t gone speed dating before, not _virgin_ -virgins. Probably because it would be full of creeps if everyone knew.

Ben had no high hopes for his partner. He had realistic expectations. God knew he was no catch, a thirty-two-year-old virgin, big but not _cut_ (everyone expected him to have an eight-pack for some reason), awkward both physically and verbally with a record of insulting people and breaking things. Sometimes he thought of himself like a liger, a product of two species that should never have reproduced, and consequently some vital gene was missing and the result was… him. Everything about him was too big, cartoonishly over-sized like Mr Potato Head. It had taken him too many years to think of growing out his hair to cover his ears. He only ever wore black because he didn’t trust himself and couldn’t be bothered to be fashionable, so he got funny looks May to September and most people assumed he was a funeral director.

 He could only imagine who he would be paired up with, what kind of people would be in attendance at a gathering like this. Ugly people, that was obvious. Maybe people who had lived strict religious lives and fallen off the wagon? People who had been in comas? Ben didn’t know. He didn’t know what his story, what his _excuse_ , was going to be. He’d been even more cripplingly shy and awkward with lower self-esteem in high-school and going into college. By the time he graduated, he’d had a job offer from Snoke, who’d made it pretty clear he expected total dedication from his employees, to the exclusion of any kind of social life.

And now here he was, sitting alone at a table in a faux-Italian bar-café that had been rented for the occasion. He was early, damn him. He sipped his water, trying to make it last, trying not to look nervous as he stared out of the window, determinedly ignoring anyone else sitting alone at a table. The host would organise who would sit with who and when, which Ben appreciated. At the moment, the host stood at the podium in front of the door, ready to check people in.

Ben had paid thirty dollars for this.

Cheaper than a hooker, he supposed.

This was just a one-night stand, he told himself. He wasn’t _paying for it_. It was no different than meeting someone at a club with a door fee.

He was grateful it was winter and full dark outside despite only being 8pm. It was raining too. The streets were empty, and the raindrops on the window lit up red with every car that hissed past.

A woman jogged through the rain towards the restaurant, holding a newspaper over her head to protect her hair. She was wearing a skirt with heels, and her coat cinched tight at the waist. Ben couldn’t see her face, but he thought she must be young and pretty. She surely had her life together. She wouldn’t need this.

When she pulled the door open, he straightened in his seat. The host stepped forward to meet her.

“Are you here for the event?” he asked, welcoming.

She lowered the newspaper, shaking herself out, a smile on her face.

_Oh fuck. Oh no. Oh Jesus Christ, please no._

Ben’s eyes widened and he whipped his face back towards the window, shaking his hair out to try to hide his face as he sunk lower in his seat.

He recognised her. He couldn’t place her exactly, but he knew they’d met. She was… She was friends with Poe? No, Poe’s boyfriend. She’d been at their housewarming a couple of months ago, and the Christmas dinner. What was her name?

Rey. Ben remembered because he’d found it interesting, and because Poe talked about her sometimes.

This. Could not. Be happening.

She couldn’t be here for the _event_ , as the host put it. She must just be sheltering from the rain in what she thought was an open café. The host would send her away and that would be it. Ben would go back to waiting for an introduction to an unattractive, probably bizarre stranger he would get naked with and put his dick into, and then happily never see again.

Her voice was nice, soft. Ben watched their blurry reflections in the window. He couldn’t make out her words, but from the tilt of her head, and the way the host checked his clipboard, it looked like she was checking in. The host smiled and gestured her down the aisle.

No.

Ben tried to make himself small. If only he had a menu he could unfold and use as a shield.

She got closer as the host directed her to a table. Ben heard the moment she recognised him, her small gasp.

“Ben!”

He considered not reacting, honestly he did. Maybe he could pretend to be someone else, someone deaf, or blind.

Rey slid into the booth opposite him and he had to face her. She waved off the host. “It’s okay, we know each other.” She was grinning. She was dazzling, in fact. She made Ben feel extra plain and oafish in comparison. She really was radiant.

The host glanced at Ben, then left them to it with a polite smile.

“Are you here for the event?” she asked, repeating the host’s words. “The, er, speed dating thing?”

He tried to read her hazel eyes. She had lowered her voice, as if it was a secret. She looked pleased, beyond happy to have found him, but there was an edge of disbelief. That incredulity was what he was expecting. She was ten years younger than he was, it was alright for her. Less so, for him.

He considered lying, acting confused as if he’d misunderstood then bailing. But she was here. She had explicitly said – not to him but it still counted – that she was there for the event. She was on the list.

Rey was a virgin, and she wanted to have sex tonight.

And Ben… Well, Ben couldn’t do any better than her. Not at this event or anywhere else in the world. At the moment, he had a chance, a slim chance, of having sex with a beautiful woman who he wouldn’t have to explain his situation to, who would be just as inexperienced as him.

He gulped, fiddled with his glass, and nodded.

The sceptical look in Rey’s eyes grew stronger and she gave him a once over as if sizing him up. “Wow. I would not have expected that. But hey, it’s not like I can talk.”

Ben shrugged. His ears were burning and he knew he must be blushing but his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. He had some more water, hoping it didn’t run out and leave him with nothing to do. He looked out of the window again, at the red raindrops and slow crawling cars. He couldn’t face her.

Rey sat forward in her chair. She hadn’t taken her coat off yet and Ben wondered what she had on underneath, what she had worn to this pyre of V-cards, to her _deflowering_. Ben gave himself a mental smack. It was words like ‘deflowering’ that had contributed to his virginity all these years.

“Do you want to get out of here?” she whispered, a conspiratorial smile twisting her glossy red lips.

“Excuse me?”

“Do you want to just go? I mean, with me?” She dropped her eyes then and bit her lip – like a glacee cherry – and Ben realised she was… unsure.

She wanted to leave. No, she wanted _him_ to leave… with her. Because… Probably because it was so embarrassing they had seen each other here. He could think of no other reason. It was a good one. He couldn’t imagine flirting, or whatever was expected of him, knowing she was there somewhere. Knowing she was doing the same thing. Certainly all other women would be ruined for him tonight, and if she left with another man, Ben couldn’t promise he would be above tripping the lucky cunt on his way past. They could consider the thirty dollars just an unfortunate loss, and retain their dignity.

Ben nodded. Really, any excuse was enough to get him out of this iron maiden of a situation. “Sure, yeah, good idea.”

Rey grinned, her lip slipping from between her white teeth, the gloss scraped off in that one spot. “Great,” she said.

She pushed up from the table and held her hand out to him. Weird, he wasn’t a child, but he also wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity to – God, he was pathetic – hold hands with a pretty girl. She pulled him to the front of the restaurant and nodded at the host as they passed.

“We’re going to go. Consider us your first success!” she laughed.

Even bailing on someone’s event, she was beautiful and friendly and everything he wasn’t. Ben just followed in her wake. The host blinked, looking wrong-footed, but who cared about him, really?

It was still raining outside. Rey didn’t have her newspaper anymore. She held her hand up to shield her eyes and pulled him into a jog across the road, shouldering into a door. It was a hotel lobby.

“Is this alright?” she asked.

“Uh, sure,” he replied. Was she staying here? She wanted him to walk her back? It had only been across the road but-

It hit him like a cartoon piano, crushing him instantly. He was in a _hotel_ , with a _woman_ he had met at a _hook-up event_. This was it. _The_ it. The it he was going to _do_ , he was going to _do_ _it_ , _they_ were going to do it, he and _Rey_ were going to- Rey wanted to- with him-

And he hadn’t fucking realised. God, he was _such_ a virgin.

Rey smiled and walked away from him to the reception desk. He stood rooted to the spot. Panic flooded him, or it might have been lust since it seemed to originate in the groin area. He checked his breath. He combed his fingers through his hair. He reminded himself where he had put the condoms; two, in case one tore.

Now was his chance to act cool. He could salvage this. His pride demanded he salvage this _somehow_.

He swallowed, and went after Rey. He put his hand on the small of her back. Very cool, even if his palms were sweaty, his hands were shaking, and her coat was wet and cold.

“Let me,” he said, pulling out his wallet. Rey smiled at him as she filled out their details onto a small form. The receptionist wordlessly offered him a card machine. It wasn’t cheap, but he could afford it. It was only money, and he had a lot of it with nothing to spend it on. Again, he reminded himself this was not paying for _it_ , just the room, because he was the man. Possibly even The Man. His bank account was the sexiest thing about him after all, best to make liberal use of it. He was so rarely the man. Snoke’s office was a complete sausage-fest, except for Phasma, who could only be called a man-eater if it was being used literally.

Rey got the keys, and Ben wondered if it was some kind of act of female solidarity that the receptionist had given them to her and not him, even though he had paid. Well, no matter. They were going together after all. They would be sharing the room, the bed, and probably not for the whole night. This was functional.

Rey led him to the elevator and they rode up in silence, sneaking glances at each other. On their floor, they were initially disoriented by the corridor of identical doors, artificially homey, like the same three feet of a grandmother’s house repeating on a loop, but they managed to find their room. Rey unlocked the door and let him in first. He went to stand in the middle of the empty space while Rey shut the door and took off her coat.

He watched like it was a strip tease. Her skirt was practical, black, for an office job. Her sweater was cream, soft, and so thin and tight he could see the notches of her bra straps and the cups where her breasts didn’t quite fill them. Her arms looked so thin, her stomach flat, her waist narrow. She was like a model. Ben felt dizzy. This was going to be like a mule trying to have sex with a swan. He sat on the bed before his legs gave out, rubbing his palms on his thighs to dry them.

“Thanks for doing this, Ben,” Rey said, her voice so soft it was almost a whisper. She stepped out of her shoes and turned to him, walking closer. “It’s a relief to… to…”

He forced his eyes up to hers. “To?”

“With someone I know.”

“Oh. Sure. No problem.” She was thanking _him_? He must be dreaming. He was stiff as a board, except for his cock which was as soft as a kitten with fear.

Rey stood at the end of his knees and put her hand on his shoulder. Was he supposed to do something? “How far have you gone?” she asked. “Before?”

Oh, God, that was the question, wasn’t it? He cleared his throat, or he tried, because it was full of rocks. “Blow- Blowjobs. Years ago.” He wasn’t going to tell her how many years ago (twelve).

She smiled like an angel or a nurse or a kindly prostitute, this woman who was going to take? end? his virginity, as if he could cry, puke or piss himself in front of her and she wouldn’t mind.

“You?”

She hummed, looking up as if she needed to search her memory. “I’ve gone down on a guy and been fingered a few times.”

His dick _hurt_ as it made a handbrake turn from fearful to suddenly very interested.

“Oh,” he nodded. “That’s cool.” She must be able to tell, she must, how nervous he is. He must be fucking this up. She must be regretting this. She must think he’s pathetic, slimy, like pudding in the shape of a man, _weak_ -

“Do you want to kiss?”

He nodded too quickly and she smiled, bending down to him. Her lips touched his, soft, and he realised she was nervous too and managed to relax a little. Kissing, at least, he had done. Not for, again, years, but it was like riding a bike. He couldn’t say he _liked_ his mouth exactly, but he’d never had any complaints and that was good enough for him.

He put his hands on her hips. That was a normal thing to do. He could smell her hair, the scent strong from the rain. Rey smelled like- like- fabric softener and make-up and moisturiser and soft, soft, soft. Girl things. He was getting hard. He hoped that was alright. He’d always wondered when was the right time to get hard? Not too soon, surely, but not too late either. He didn’t want her to think he wasn’t interested, but… Rey was going to see his boner, the embarrassing tent in his pants. She was going to see his _dick_ , and balls, and maybe his ass, Christ. He forced himself not to think about that, focusing on what he was doing instead, gentle, reassuring, testing, chaste kisses against each other while he tried to angle his nose away from her cheek.

He heard fabric sliding on fabric, and the angle changed as Rey straddled his thighs, sitting on his lap. He pulled away to look and choked, making a noise it would be charitable to call a groan. To fit his legs between hers, Rey had pulled her skirt up to her hips, and he could see the tops of her stockings, and a small silky patch of the black underwear she was wearing.

He literally could not tear his eyes away.

He had a woman, this woman, this _beautiful_ woman in his lap. Look at him now! “You are so fucking… _hot_ ,” he garbled.

Rey laughed breathlessly, taking it well. “Thank you.”

He stared at her panties as if her cunt was a magnet and his eyes were nails. “You won’t tell Poe, will you?” Heaven knew why that came out of his mouth at that moment, except maybe that this was increasingly looking like some kind of set up, it couldn’t possibly be real.

He wasn’t looking at her face and didn’t catch her tone when she said “No,” after a second’s pause. She fiddled with his collar. “Will you take your jacket off?”

His hands snapped to rip his jacket off, dropping it on the floor. They slowed as he unknotted his tie. She hadn’t asked him to do this. It made it that bit more real. He glanced at her face, making sure she hadn’t changed her mind, and caught her running her tongue across her bottom lip as she watched his silk tie run from under his collar. He thought that was a good sign, and moved onto unbuttoning his shirt, starting at the top. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath, and he slowed self-consciously as he got past his collar bones.

Rey saw what was happening and took over, her hands jumping to his shirt even as they shook, fighting the buttons through the holes. Ben leant back on his hands for a more flattering angle. He would look confident, and there would be no stomach rolls. He tried not to blush as Rey spread the halves of his shirt, her fingers brushing his chest, baring his torso. She let out a breath, as if she had just seen how much more of the mountain was left to climb. She planted her hands flat, her fingertips a couple of inches below his nipples. She stroked her hands down, then picked them up to do it again, growing bolder with every pass, feeling more of him as he fought to let her.

“Ben…” she said, as if that meant something.

“Okay?” was all he could think of to reply.

She nodded.

She was stroking him like a cat. He might have expected her to kiss him, give him a love bite, or play with his nipples. He didn’t really know what women did with men’s chests. He hadn’t expected to feel like he was a statue she was carving, like she was creating every inch as she touched it, moulding his ribs and muscles with the tracing of her thumb. His pec twitched, jumping into sharp relief as the nerves overloaded, bolting like a nervous gopher in the presence of an eagle. Rey saw, of course, her eyes zoning in and her hands pausing, but she didn’t say anything, bless her.

His cock stood as a bulge in his slacks between them, the thing that waited at the foot of the slope of his stomach, the stake ready to impale her if she came closer. She didn’t say anything about that either, and he was grateful because there was no chance he could do anything about it now.

Finally she seemed to finish with his chest, which was clammier than he would have liked, and lifted her hands to play with the ends of his hair instead. She raised her eyes to meet his and his mouth ran dry. That look… That look was not a look that said she found him unattractive, or even that she was pleasantly surprised. That look said she’d known he would be like this, and she was… _eager_.

It suddenly occurred to Ben to wonder if she was wet, if _he_ made her wet, and his dick ached with another surge of blood.

“Now you,” he managed to force out, and Rey, her lips slightly parted, obeyed. She reached for the hem of her sweater and pulled it over her head, struggling with the sleeves while he leant out of the way. When she was free, dropping the sweater next to his jacket and tie, her hair was ruffled and she looked a little flushed. Ben allowed his eyes to drop to her breasts in their modest black bra. They weren’t huge, but he knew that. He still wanted to suck them.

He sat up to free his hands and put one to her bra cup. It was much too big. He ran his thumb across it like a windscreen wiper and her tit just _squished_ , bulging out of the bra. Rey moaned quietly and held onto his wrist, arching her back into him. He realised his mouth was open and closed it.

Lust overtook his anxiety. He put his other hand to her other breast, curving his fingers under the cup, evicting her tit so he could lick it. She tasted- She tasted like- Hot living gold. No, better. Flesh. Warm skin and blood and life, sweat and shower gel. Rey.

“Ben,” she whimpered, holding the back of his head, her fingers working, doing something to his hair.

He pulled his head up to suck on her neck while his hands unhooked her bra and pulled it from between them, getting rid of it before adding his shirt to the pile at his feet. He replaced her bra with his hands and she moaned again, sharper, with a little more urgency this time. Her hips were twitching on his thighs, so he put one hand to her ass to push her forward, so they could twitch against his cock instead. She took on more of a continuous roll when she felt his cock against her, teasing him on purpose.

“Ben!”

“Good?” he growled, his voice coming out deep and rough. He wasn’t doing too badly so far.

She hummed, her lips pressed together as she wriggled closer. Her tits flattened against his chest and his dick pulsed. Her hard nipples were like a two-star constellation in the otherwise blank sky of his front. He crushed her to him and rolled his hips against her.

“I want… I want… Can we take our clothes off?”

“Wait.” He wasn’t finished yet. He dipped his head to her chest, leaning her back against his arms, and used his tongue to scoop her tit into his mouth. Her moan was almost a shout, and her hands tightened in his hair almost painfully. He groaned into her flesh, his tongue sliding over her like an ice cream cone until he pulled off her with a suck on her nipple. He turned, laying her on the bed. Rey pulled herself across it so she was lying comfortably, her head on the pillow. She watched him trustingly.

With shaking hands, Ben reached for the zip on her skirt, pulling it down then dragging the skirt over her hips and thighs. She gripped the pillow, sexy and perfect and staring at him in nothing but silky black panties and stockings. She was like a dream, a pin-up, definitely too good for him. He removed her stockings next just so she wouldn’t see his feelings in his eyes, sliding them over her smooth skin, the barely-there fabric clinging to his hand with static. He kicked off his shoes, made short work of his socks, then stood to take off his trousers, leaving his briefs on.

He felt better that they both still had their underwear on. He hadn’t ever actually been naked with a woman before, and while he couldn’t hide that he was sporting a massive hard-on for her, it was still a bit more modest than waving his red, oozing, veiny cock in her face.

He let himself down on top of her carefully. Her legs opened before he got there, her thighs tucking against his sides, warm and strong. He was too tall to rub his cock against her as he kissed her, that would have to wait. He took her mouth again, this time nudging her lips open and giving her his tongue. She writhed under him, getting comfortable, her arms going around his back, and the bumpy, muscly pulse of another body under his was a revelation, new and strange and crazy arousing. He leaned into her harder to still her, and she did it like he’d spoken some secret ancient language.

Kissing Rey was something else. She gave as good as she got without ever making it uncomfortable or competitive, as if they were playmates, as if she was happy to have him there. He ran his hand from her hip to her breast, feeling her. No part of his body felt like this part of her, it was alien and endlessly fascinating, just so, so soft.

He broke from her mouth, kissing her neck as she panted, then down to her chest to make love to her tits some more because he was not done with them. Her nipples were hard little tips cresting the soft wobble of flesh like pieces of candy. The contrast was delicious in his mouth.

“Ben… Ben, please…” Rey mewled, her hands pressing down on his lower back as her hips pressed up, trying to rub her clit against his stomach.

“I’m not finished here,” he spoke into her chest.

“Well, can you multi-task?” she cried, frustration making her words sharp.

He smiled, pride and ego riding the lust fogging his brain. He wasn’t shy as he pushed a hand down her belly and into her panties, wet and hot between her legs. His fingers were instantly soaked, surprising him, and he noticed she had trimmed her hair.

As he traced the seam of her, she said “I- I shaved a little but- I didn’t want to get a wax-”

“It’s fine,” he said.

“Is it?”

“It’s perfect. It’s not like I did.”

She huffed, tickled briefly by the thought.

He dipped his fingertip between her lips, circling her hole before running it up to find her clit. It took a few goes, and her reactions did not help him as much as he had been led to believe because everything made her jump or squeak or sigh, but he went slow and eventually he found the hard bump amid all the swollen softness and she pushed into his hand.

“Don’t make me come, okay?”

“What?”

“Don’t make me come, I want to… do that when you’re…” Her eyes closed and she rolled her head to the side, her mouth tensing in an O, her eyebrows drawing together.

“Rey?”

“When you’re inside me…”

 _Great_ , thought Ben. It would be much easier to make her come first with his hand, something he had done at least once before. Then he wouldn’t have to worry so much about his performance during the cherry-popping part, but trust Rey, a woman this perfect, to have high standards. Now he’d have to figure out how to make her come with the bluntest of instruments he had at his disposal, and on his first try, while fending off what was already a looming orgasm of his own.

He would just have to get her as close as he could. And- And stretch her, he remembered. This was her first time too. It would hurt if he didn’t-

Uncertainly, he moved his finger from circling her clit to her entrance, making her draw in a quick breath. When he pushed in, there was no resistance. He tried not to imagine his cock in here. He didn’t know it would fit. Snug against his knuckle was the hardness of her pelvic bone, so he didn’t know where exactly the extra space was supposed to come from. She felt rough on one side (what was _that_?) underneath the wetness, and he bent his finger, testing the give in her walls. He was _inside_ her! He was touching the inside of a human body! And it was not the turn-off he thought it might be. Instead, his mouth watered.

Given the ease with which his first finger had sunk into her, he decided to try two. There wasn’t room, her flesh suddenly tight like it was stretched to its max, and Rey kicked away from him with a yelp.

“Sorry, I-!”

“Sorry!”

They looked at each other.

“I’ve never…” She dropped her eyes. “I know from toys that… I think you just need to go slow? Use one finger to- to stretch me first?”

He swallowed. Her pain had been a bucket of cold water, reminding him that actually he wasn’t a stud and had no idea what he was doing. “Okay.” Watching her face he tried again. One finger went in easily. He thrust in and out but he didn’t feel like he was doing much. He thought how he could stretch her, and tried making circles, pushing against the rim of her entrance like he was stirring tea. As it widened, he could hear the wet sounds it made, and her face flamed. “It’s like being at the doctor’s,” she said, her jaw tight, trying to dispel the awkwardness with a joke that not even she laughed at.

For some reason, her embarrassment bothered him more than his own, so he tucked his face into her neck to kiss her skin and spare her his gaze. He didn’t think he had the coordination to kiss her mouth and finger her at the same time. He tested how much room he had made. He could fit two fingertips now, but her body didn’t seem to want to take more than that. He angled his hand so he could bump her clit clumsily.

 Her sigh ruffled his hair. “I’m sorry, this isn’t sexy, is it?”

“It’s fine,” he said, trying to reassure her. He wished he could _make_ it sexy for her, but he’d known it would be like this. It was him after all.

“Do you want me to try?”

“No.” A virgin he might be, but he could at least do this. His pride demanded it. He wouldn’t make her finger herself while he twiddled his thumbs, for Christ’s sake. He could fit two fingers half-way now. “How’s that?”

“Tight,” she said through gritted teeth, so he took that to mean it hurt, or was at least uncomfortable. “Maybe I just need a distraction,” she added, and her hand brushed his cock through his briefs, making him jump.

He pulled his hips out of her reach. “Probably not a good idea.” The only thing that could make this worse was if he put her through all this then came before they even got the chance to deflower each other.

Rey grunted and didn’t pursue it. Instead she tentatively wrapped her arms behind his shoulders and pulled him down until he was sure he must be crushing her. It felt like a hug. He hadn’t heard of hugging during sex before but what did he know? He could believe she needed a hug after the hash he was making of this.

“Are- Are you sure you want to keep going? I mean, if this hurts, I don’t see how-”

She cut him off. “I want to keep going.” She shifted on the bed, straightening her leg, bending it again, throwing it wide then bringing it back.

“Okay,” he said, resigned.

“At least you’re not a stranger.”

She said she wanted a distraction, maybe talking would do. “Why- If you don’t mind me asking, I mean, why did you… want to do this with me? It’s not like we’re friends.”

“It’s better, isn’t it? I can’t imagine doing this with a stranger. He probably wouldn’t be as gentle as you are. He wouldn’t care about me, he wouldn’t have any reason to take his time. He wouldn’t have to worry about what I tell his friends afterwards.”

Ben sucked in a breath, pausing. “You said you wouldn’t tell.”

“I won’t, I won’t tell anyone how we met, but you know, if you hurt me I could tell Poe you’re shit in bed. I won’t though.”

Ben didn’t find that totally reassuring.

“And think about it – this way, if anyone asks who my first time was, I can always say ‘Oh, he was a friend of a friend. He was friends with my best friend’s boyfriend. We met at a few parties, bumped into each other in a bar, and had a one-night-stand.’ That sounds good, doesn’t it? Better than a stranger.”

“Yeah, that does sound good.” Ben hadn’t thought of it that way. It sounded almost… normal. He thought what his side of the story would sound like. ‘She was a beautiful twenty-something, a friend of a friend, she took me to a hotel.’ It sounded _cool_ , even. A good answer to a question he usually dreaded.

He had two fingers moving smoothly in and out of her now. As he was able to move faster and keep the heel of his hand against her clit, Rey started breathing quicker again, her heel pushing against the bed.

“Do you want me to try for three fingers?”

“Urgh, I don’t know, is your dick much bigger than two?”

“Uh.” He knew the answer was yes, but he was worried about scaring her off. “Probably.”

“I guess you should then. Sorry it’s taking so long.”

“You don’t need to keep apologising. Sorry for having a big dick, I guess.”

Rey laughed, she actually laughed, and not only did her body squeeze his fingers with it, but he felt like he had finally done something good.

“Big, huh?”

“I mean, it’s… normal?” Like he fucking knew. Why had he said that? Now she’d have expectations. But then, he reminded himself, she wouldn’t know what constituted a big dick.

Rey laughed again, a soft chuckle. “It’s okay. You’re tall, I knew what I was getting into.”

Rather than answer, he set about trying to stretch her again, separating his fingers, then adding a third, his fingertips stacked together. He moved slow, but Rey still gripped his shoulders like it hurt. Ben did his best, but it started to feel like an impossible task and he was getting demoralised. He could get three half-way in, and that would have to do.

He pulled his hand away, the wetness on his fingers chilling in the air. “I think that’s… it.”

“Yeah?” Rey loosened her hold and let him up, and he pushed up on an arm to look down at her. She glanced down their bodies, then blinked up at him. They were both nervous suddenly, awkward. Now there was nothing left to do but… fuck. Get his dick inside her, somehow.

Rey lifted her shoulders off the bed to pull off her panties with stilted movements as if she expected him to stop her. Ben took his cue from that and rolled away to shed his briefs and put a condom on, which was thankfully fairly self-explanatory, wiping his hand on the sheets. He checked over his shoulder before coming to her. She lay on the bed watching him, her legs parted but not enough for him to fit between them, and he thought again of how she had said she felt like she was at the doctor’s.

God. Time to throw away the last of his modesty and just… do it, he supposed. He turned and walked on his knees to her feet, pulling her legs apart with his hands on her calves. Her legs were smooth and toned, he should have paid more attention to them. He didn’t miss how her eyes landed on his cock and stayed there. It didn’t look its best with the rubber nib of the condom on its end like a baby’s bottle, but he couldn’t complain when he was just as riveted to her cunt, now he could see it.

It was kind of amazing. There was nothing there, compared to the only other naked body he was familiar with – his own – and yet there was. The bump of her pubic bone screamed sex and woman in a way he hadn’t expected, and he felt like Pavlov’s dog as all other thought faded away and he was consumed by the fact that he could – he was _going to_ – have sex right _now_. Somehow, he had been programmed for this without his knowledge, and now the sight of her skin, her trimmed brown hair, the pink fleshy insides of her slit and the small opening waiting for him made his throat run dry. She was wet too, glistening, and he could smell her. She was _messy_ , it was on her thighs from his hand, and he wanted her to look worse, redder and used by him. Funny how a pussy had undone about a million years of his evolution.

He crawled over her, lining them up. He cleared his throat as she put her hands on his sides. They were far too close, and far too naked, to be this self-conscious. He kissed her again, just pressing his lips to hers, but she responded and kissed him back. That was something.

And now to try to get his dick into a too-small hole without looking. With a roll of his hips, he got his cock onto her, then tried to find her entrance, giving up almost immediately. That was never going to work. Putting all his weight on one arm, he sent his hand down to help him, gripping his dick and lining it up.

He pushed, and Rey tensed. He kept pushing, thinking maybe he just had to get through it, (maybe _this_ was her hymen?) when she broke, her pain coming out as “Ow, ow, ow!”

He gave up. Both of them were breathing hard. This sex business was not as easy as other people made out. Maybe he had somehow missed the boat, and he’d needed to learn it when he was young, like a foreign language.

He rolled off her, lying on his back beside her instead, losing the will to continue. He’d made it this far as a virgin, he could do another thirty years, and then surely it would be irrelevant.

Rey followed him however, sprawling on top of his chest and pressing kisses to his shoulders. That made him feel like maybe he had another go in him. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Please try again.”

He looked down at her. Why did she want to so much, when it was _actively_ hurting her? Then he had an idea. He gripped her thigh and dragged her the rest of the way over him. “Maybe you should be on top.”

She obviously hadn’t considered that either. “You think?”

If she was, he at least wouldn’t have to feel guilty. “Yeah.”

“O-okay…” She looked uncertain, but she pushed herself up, hovering her hips over him as he held his cock stable for her. She notched it into her entrance on the first try, and Ben grit his teeth as she slowly, slowly, let her weight come down. She closed her eyes and took deep controlled breaths, her hands on his stomach as she concentrated. He could tell it still wasn’t easy. She frowned slightly, and his dick pushed against her without going in.

Then she was stretching around his head.

“Oh, fuck!” He wished he didn’t sound so shocked, or so much like he was seconds away from coming, but he was _seeing_ his dick disappear inside her as she whimpered. Another push and the head was in. He was grateful for the condom or he might have come already. He forced himself to keep still. She made it to about an inch and a half before pulling off, her breath coming fast. She opened her eyes.

“You did it,” he said, sounding awe-struck. She smiled, and he smiled back.

She tried again, making it further this time, far enough that when she pulled up, he didn’t leave her completely.

It took… several minutes to get her seated, and when she was, they both needed a moment to rest. A covering of sweat had popped up all over Ben’s body, cold on his chest and prickling under his arms. He bore almost her whole weight on his hips, which was strange, and yet he still had the urge to thrust, to buck upwards. Her pussy was tight, so tight it almost hurt, and he could feel she was at her limit in the way her walls twitched and spasmed, trying to adjust to him. Rey hung her head, sweat shining above her breasts, and he marvelled at the way her legs split over him like she was straddling a felled tree. He honestly couldn’t see how he had fit inside her. From the outside, she just didn’t look big enough.

“God, Ben…” she moaned, and he was amazed she could talk, and expected him to understand. “You’re huge. I can feel you _so deep_ …”

It was a good thing he was too dazed or those words could easily have finished him off. As it was he felt on the edge of coming, as if his orgasm was something that might just happen to him at any random moment, it was not something he had to encourage or chase like when he jerked off.

She lifted her head and smiled at him, meeting his eyes. He thought he must look terrified, wide-eyed and at sea. “We’re not virgins anymore,” she panted, congratulating them.

Ben swallowed. “No.” And he had done that to her. He had taken her virginity. He, Ben Solo, had _broken in_ a woman like Rey. He felt like more attractive men the world over must be spontaneously bursting into tears in response. And homely nerds must be popping champagne.

She moved her hips, exploring her seat on him. “What now?”

“Oh, er… Up and down, I guess?”

Rey pulled herself up a couple of inches, and the drag of her walls against his cock almost sent his eyes rolling back in his head. She let herself down again, and again his dick was fully enveloped in the hot crush.

“Can you do it? I don’t know how,” she asked almost bashfully.

“Uh, okay.” Ben put one hand on her thigh to steady her, thinking to roll them, but as soon as he tilted his hips, Rey slipped off in a sudden slither that flashed through his whole body. Damn, he didn’t look forward to trying to get back into her again. She lay down as she had before and this time Ben looked what he was doing, and his dick, miraculously, went in. He checked Rey’s expression, but she was looking between them and her hands flattened against his stomach where it met her body just above the cradle of her hips.

She giggled breathlessly. “Wow… You’re so close.”

He understood what she meant. It was not a position he had ever been in before with anyone else, and it was odd.

Then her eyes flicked back up to his face. “Does it feel okay?”

He nodded, sucking his lip into his mouth, incapable of talking _and_ holding himself up _and_ still.

“Thanks for doing this,” she whispered.

Ben shook his head, trying to communicate that he should be thanking her. He hoped he didn’t drip sweat on her.

Her fingertips pushed at him delicately. “You can move now,” she offered.

Great, when he felt like his spine had fused from trying so hard to control himself, but he slid his hips back, then pushed back into her. Rey gave a little gasp when he did, so he did it again, faster, deeper.

“Tell me what’s good,” he forced out as his last decree before letting himself down over her and fucking her for real. He tried to get his body to graze her clit, not that he managed every thrust, only about one out of three.

Rey hummed, then said, “It’s good, it’s good.”

Not very explicit instructions, but at least he wasn’t hurting her anymore. Now he just had to make her come before he did. His hips felt like they were moving on their own, chasing a sensation that hit his brain like a drug. Soon Rey was tilting her hips up to meet his, and the wet slap of their bodies filled the room.

But he wasn’t going to last forever. He pushed his hand between them, his thumb seeking her clit. His rational mind in the backseat recognised it was a painful dissonance, knowing he was going to come soon and desperately wanting to, while also being mortified to do so. Would he make a stupid face? A stupid noise? It was practically guaranteed. Would he stop it if he could? No way. He was going to come in Rey if it was the last thing he ever did.

“Come,” he ordered, as if that would work. Rey mewled and adjusted her hips. She skimmed her hands down his back to grip his ass and… he let her. “Are you going to come for me?” he murmured into her neck, a little desperate. A yes or no would suffice, but he’d appreciate a timeline. She felt like she was getting tighter inside and if she did that… “Rey, I’m not going to last.”

She moaned. He thought she was trying at least, hurrying her own orgasm on. She seemed to take over, holding him so tight she almost pulled herself off the bed, her hips speeding up and abandoning his rhythm for her own. When she next said his name it was with a tone of urgency.

“It’s okay, do it, come,” he told her, in case, like him, she would benefit from some reassurance.

He didn’t know what he expected. Her cunt gripped his dick in waves, waves that the rest of her body seemed bound to follow, wracked by her orgasm that sent her hips bumping against his artlessly, her back arching, her head going back.

He had made that happen. He had fucked a girl and made her come on his dick. It was more that knowledge than anything else, or maybe just that he didn’t have to wait anymore, that made him come. It rushed out of him suddenly, stealing his breath with a shocked gurgle, and then it was his turn to lose all grace as he seized Rey to him, crushing her foreign, invaluable female body to him so he could sweat all over it and come into her instead of his hand for the first time.

When it was over, and his muscles released and he regained control of his body so he could catch his breath, he pulled out and rolled off her. Rey closed her legs and her modesty prompted him to sit up and throw the condom away before he really felt like moving again. When he turned around again, she was under the covers and smiling at him. He wondered what to do, his awkwardness coming back. Did she expect him to get in the bed with her? Should he dress and leave? Shower? Say something?

Rey offered him a fist bump.

He bumped it and pulled back the tight hotel sheets to get in beside her. He lay on his back and looked at the far wall. Rey lifted her head and tried to sweep her hair behind her a few times.

“I think that went well,” she said cheerily.

“Do you?”

“Don’t you?”

He glanced at her, worried he’d hurt her feelings. “It was great.”

“Best sex you ever had, right?” she said, winking.

He allowed himself a small smile. “Yes. Best sex I ever had.”

“Me too!” she cried, pretending to be surprised, as if they had just discovered they shared the same star sign.

“You’re not… hurt?”

Rey made a face he couldn’t read. “I’m a bit sore, but I don’t think that could have been avoided.”

He grunted. He bet a man who had known what he was doing could have avoided it. He did a mental check. He both did and didn’t feel different. His body was tired from the workout, his dick tingled, but he didn’t feel like he had traded in his old soul for a new one. The secrets of the universe remained a mystery to him.

Rey poked him in the shoulder, rocking him slightly. She followed it up with a kiss, and that got his attention. “Be-en…” she said as if she was building up to something and he braced himself. “Could I have your number?”

He frowned. “My phone number?”

“You don’t have to. I know it’s not, like, what that speed dating thing was for. But it would be nice if we didn’t have to wait for the next party to see each other again. We could get coffee.” She actually sounded cautiously excited by the prospect.

He supposed… He supposed she had a point. Now they had done _that_ , it would be exceedingly churlish to refuse to see or hear from her again. And the way she had said it… It would be better after all, he supposed, for them to have lost their virginity to a- a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. He’d be an idiot not to.

“Sure, I’d like that.”

Rey grinned and kicked her feet. “Do you want to cuddle?”

“I… I’m not sure how.”

She tucked herself into his side. “Well, it’s a night for firsts.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be a one-shot, but the response was so great I added more, and boy! Did I have more to add! 12,641 words! 10k of which is fucking! Not quite a record for me but damn close. 
> 
> I mostly wrote and published this to impress BNF Reylos and it more or less actually worked way better than expected! So that's super nice. 
> 
> I feel like the tone is a little different. I hope you still like it. I got it as close as I could. 
> 
> Ben has developed some sex skills, magically, because true love. Also I've added some new tags.

Ben sipped his beer in the armchair, looking across Poe’s living room at where Rey sat on the couch almost in Finn’s lap, her butt on the seat next to his thigh, her back against the armrest, and her legs bent over his lap. She had a bowl of popcorn on her stomach that she ate from continuously, and every now and then Finn would attempt to take it from her, quickly sparking a giggly wrestling match as she twisted and writhed to defend it. She laughed easily, smiled constantly, and Ben couldn’t take his eyes off her, his only hope that she would drop the popcorn and then they’d stop.

Urgh.

It didn’t seem fair. She should be sitting on _him_ like that, he was the one who’d… Well. Seen her naked. Been inside her. Made her come. Taken care of her little problem for her.

Except they weren’t dating. They weren’t even friends, really. He couldn’t even call her his ex. There had been no assumption of a relationship to what they had done. The opposite in fact. It had been deliberately and brazenly a no-strings scenario.

Had she slept with him to somehow… level-up so she could get with Finn? No, no, that was ridiculous, and Ben felt awful for thinking it. Finn was with Poe, had been for over a year now, and Rey wasn’t a cheater. Nor was Finn.

But people lived in angst-filled unrequited love for their best friends all the time… Or maybe not all the time, but it happened. It wasn’t impossible.

Two months had passed since he and Rey had… slept together. They had tried, he thought, to make a go of it. They hadn’t spent the night at that hotel (should they have?), but they had met for coffee the next day and it had been… awkward. The conversation had been stilted. _He_ had been… sweaty. It was nerve-wracking, trying to make small-talk when all he could think about was what she thought about his performance the night before, wondering if she was still sore, if she could still feel him, if the little hole in her pussy was still red from his dick.

He felt like a pervert. He felt like scum. Was this disrespecting women? She’d hate him if she knew what he was thinking.

He had never had the experience of having coffee with someone who had seen him naked. He had never had to try so hard not to get a boner because the memory of her coming on his dick was circling in his head like tickertape on a blimp. And he’d had her tit in his mouth; her whole tit, in his mouth.

So yeah, coffee had sucked. He had been forced to recognise that they were not compatible after all. She had tried and he had mostly replied with grunts, looking longingly at the door. He’d fucked it up and he didn’t even blame himself because it wasn’t like he could ever have made it work. It was just the inevitable order of things.

She was nice though. She still texted him every few days with some small thing, a photo of a dog in sunglasses, or asking how his day had gone. He replied as best he could. He supposed now they- Well, he still couldn’t say they were friends, but they knew each other.

He hadn’t told anyone he had lost his virginity. That would require other people knowing he had been a virgin to start with. So work was anti-climactically unchanged. Hux didn’t slap him on the back or respect him any more, Phasma still didn’t give him the time of day, Snoke didn’t offer him a bonus or time off. Life went on exactly as it had before, except for the texts.

He wondered if Rey had told anyone. He wondered if anyone here knew he’d been a virgin. Glancing around, no one was looking at him. Maybe he was so insignificant they didn’t even care about that.

He picked at the label on his bottle.

This was the first of Poe’s parties since he’d had sex with Rey. He knew she saw them all the time, Finn, Poe, Rose, the others, but he didn’t. These parties were basically the only socialising he did. Everyone he knew that he didn’t work with was in this room. He wondered if he was the oldest person in the room. Poe, at least, was close to his age. These parties normally started at seven or eight, and he turned up in the middle, around ten, coming straight from work. People were always already a little drunk when he arrived, already in conversations, but Poe always acted happy to see him and welcomed him in in a way that made Ben feel… a little appreciated. Poe’s responsibilities as host kept him from talking to Ben all night, but he’d drift back now and then to check in, so it was alright.

And Ben wasn’t a total loser. He had talked to other people before. It was just he didn’t really feel like it that night. He’d rather sit by himself and watch Rey like a creep as she laughed with her friends in case she looked at him again. And then he could, what? Smile? Wave? What a dork.

He couldn’t fault her. She hadn’t ignored him. She’d been perfectly polite, paying him more attention than she used to, in fact, but not so much that anyone else would notice.

When he’d followed Poe in after he’d answered the door, she had stuck her head up and grinned at him, making him smile back and give her a little nod. They had a secret, she and him, after all. She had been talking to Kaydel, so he let Poe lead him to the kitchen for his beer. Poe asked him about work, and about Hux. Ben, Poe, and Hux had all been in law school together, though in different years. Ben and Poe had never hung out, but Ben and Hux had been – not best friends, but… constant companions. In Hux’s final year, he had been tormented by pranks which, added to the stress of graduating, threatened to completely unhinge him. For the sake of a quiet life and at least the _appearance_ of friendship, Ben had tracked the pranks to Poe, a righteous underclassman. Ben and Hux already knew their paths were leading to become the kind of lawyers everyone hated, but Poe was an idealist, talking about pro bono, immigration law, housing reform.

Ben had always felt like he was doing nothing right, so he was drawn to Poe for whom everything seemed obvious and easy. He had the right life, handsome and charming _and_ principled, he was prepared to live in penury for his cause without ever actually having to, endlessly popular, inventive and smart with his pranks, and he hated Hux. Ben told him to stop as weakly as he could, Poe identified immediately an enemy of his enemy, and they became friends. Hux graduated into Snoke’s firm, and secured Ben a place a year later, and Ben hadn’t the spine to turn it down. It was good money, it was prestigious, and it was exactly what he was trained in: corporate defence and contract law.

These days his clients included Monsanto, Coca-Cola, Nestle, Shell, and one or two people adjacent to a Trump.

Yeah. Ben knew. He didn’t need to be told. He basically felt like he was kicking puppies all day, but if he didn’t do it, Snoke would pull his tongue out through his asshole. He got through it by focusing on the law. The law, at least, was not Ben’s fault.

And they were still friends, he and Poe, who still delighted in hearing about Hux’s anal-retentive fits. Poe had dared Ben to hide Hux’s favourite pen and that had gone spectacularly well.

Ben pulled a cold beer from the fridge, cracking the top off against the counter the way Poe had taught him, and they clinked bottlenecks. Rey came in, hovering without a purpose, picking up a bowl of chips as if she was going to take it through to the living room then staying standing there. Ben took her in. She was dressed more casually than she had been _that night_ , wearing black leggings pulled up to her knees and flip flops, and a T-shirt that said _Disney Princess_. Her hair was tied back and she was wearing less, if any, make-up. She looked young, and- and a lot of things. Small, toned, lithe, willowy, a hundred words he could list without getting anywhere close.

He blushed, and rubbed the back of his fingers against his cheek as he looked away, his hands cold from the beer. He knew what she looked like naked. She knew what he looked like naked too. She had- had crammed his cock into her like she was trying to get a roll of cookie dough back in the tube because he was too big, and she was too _tight,_ and it hadn’t been easy but she’d _wanted_ to. And nobody else knew. Oh yeah, he was way too hot now, flushing all over.

“Hi, Ben!” she said, as if she was genuinely happy to see him.

“Hey,” he replied, keeping his voice low so as not to embarrass himself, leaning against the fridge.

Poe looked between them, then gave Ben a few bro-slaps on the bicep. “I told Finn I was getting him a drink.” He picked up another beer and left them alone, toasting Rey on his way out. Ben didn’t even wonder at it, staring at Rey.

“How are you?” she asked.

“Fine. You?”

“Good, thanks.”

“You busy tonight?”

“Huh?”

“Did you come from work?”

“Oh.” He looked down at himself, at his black suit. “Yeah.”

“Pretty late.”

He shrugged. Nobody left before nine unless they had a doctor’s appointment, and even then, they were expected to make the time up. Ben had lied, and told his secretary he had coughed up blood to get out in time for the speed-dating event, and then gone in an hour early the next three days.

Rey seemed to be waiting for him to say something so… “I’m here now,” he said, trying for a smile.

It looked like it worked. Rey smiled back, cocking her head, and running her eyes over him. She turned on her heel and took the bowl of chips through to the living room, throwing him a look over her shoulder.

When she was gone, Ben let out a breath. Losing his virginity was supposed to give him confidence. That definitely hadn’t happened.

He walked through to take a seat, see whatever they had put on the TV. Normally at these things, a marathon was already underway by the time Ben got there. Not for the first time, he didn’t recognise the movie. He at least recognised Keanu Reeves, who was shooting people.

As he sat down, Finn turned to look at him, frowning slightly. “Hey….”

Rey tipped her head back to look at him, and he pointed between Ben and the TV.

Rey looked at Ben, then gasped. “You look like Keanu Reeves!”

“No, I don’t,” he objected, disliking the attention. He looked at the TV. So they were both white, with longish black hair. That was where it ended, as far as he was concerned. Keanu Reeves was a movie star.

Although, the suit was a near-perfect match. Damn. He put his hand under his hair and scratched his neck, self-conscious. Everyone within earshot was looking at him, measuring him against Keanu Reeves, and he really wished they wouldn’t.

Rey stuck her foot out and poked him in the knee with her big toe, getting his attention. “Cool,” she said simply, but her smile and the look in her eyes said _This is a good thing. Don’t worry about it._

He put his hand down, so she at least would stop worrying about him worrying about it.

A couple of hours later, one film had ended and another started, the guests had thinned out as people went home, the ones who remained slumped in front of the TV, tired or drunk.

Rey yawned. “I should get going.”

Ben jerked as if he’d fallen asleep, but really he’d just been in a trance, watching Rey from the corner of his eye. “Yeah, me too.” He followed her to his feet.

“Did you drive here?”

“Yeah.”

“Want to give me a lift?” she asked, smiling like a toddler asking for a treat.

“Ben, you’ve been drinking,” Poe frowned.

“I had one beer.” He gestured at the bottle on the table which still had a finger of fizz in the bottom. “Over two hours.”

“So you’re okay?” Rey asked.

He had no idea where she lived, or how long it would take him to get to hers and then get home, but whatever. He was used to not sleeping very much. “Yeah, I’ll take you, it’s fine.”

She grinned. “Cool, thanks, Ben.”

He dropped his eyes. Oof.

As they made their way to the front door and Rey got her coat (the same coat she had worn _that night_ ), Ben gave himself a little mental check. He was not going to develop a crush on this poor unsuspecting young woman just because they had once helped each other accomplish a mutual goal. He was not going to be That Guy, who she thought was a safe, no-strings sexual encounter, then turned into a weird hanger-on who told her she was beautiful on all her social media photos without having any other contact with her. He was not _that_ sad, that he would redefine a single sexual experience that he had gone into with a clear head after the fact in order to then become obsessed with it. He had known what that night was, and it was one night. It was… _fun_ , to have a secret with Rey, but that was it.

He waited for any tell-tale rebellion against this dictate from inside him (God knew there was room in there for a little rabble-rouser emotion to hide under a rib or wherever these things stowed themselves) but all was quiet. Good. He was on the same page with himself. He was all in agreement that Rey was nice, both in general and to him specifically, and she was very attractive, but that was where it stopped.

They said their goodbyes and Ben led her down to his car. It was, at least, a nice car. Not exactly his only indulgence since he had no indulgences at all whatsoever, but several years ago he had bought it to match up to Hux’s smug, exacting standards, which said a lot. It unlocked with a little flash of its lights when it sensed him coming, like a puppy barking when its owner comes home, and as he went around one side, Rey went around the other, and they got in together.

He literally could not remember ever having another person in here. Four seats were wasted on him.

“So where, er, where do you live?” he asked, buckling himself in.

She told him. “Or we could go to your place, I don’t mind.”

“My place?” He frowned, at a loss.

Rey tucked some stray hair behind her ear, biting her lip and staring into the footwell. “Yeah…”

He looked out of the windscreen, waiting for his brain – his frankly very smart brain, he was a lawyer for Christ’s sake and very well paid with a corner office – to spew up the answer to why she wouldn’t have a preference between his place and hers.

“If- If you want to. We don’t have to…” Rey added. She was nervous.

Lightbulb.

He twisted in his seat. “You want to-! Oh! Oh, okay! Right. Right.” He fumbled his key into the ignition and if that wasn’t just the visual metaphor he needed right then.

“Is that okay?” she checked.

“Yeah, yep, fine. I am on board with that- that, um, suggestion.” He turned the engine over, then realised he actually didn’t know where he was going. They hadn’t settled the question of location.

Rey giggled beside him. “Good.”

“So, uh, where…?”

“Where do you prefer?”

Factors, things to consider, bumbled into his brain like he’d opened a door to an over-packed closet. Would they spend the whole night together? If so, he had to go to work tomorrow. He would need fresh clothes. But it would be selfish to suggest his on that basis alone, she might also have to work tomorrow. And what state was his apartment in anyway? He was almost never there. If they went to hers, he would be free to leave afterwards, then he’d get home between three and four maybe… The lost sleep was daunting. There was at least one priority he could count on to override the others, a deal-breaker, he thought.

“Do you have condoms at yours?” he asked, squeezing the steering wheel, proud of himself for getting it out semi-confidently.

“In my bag,” Rey said, leaning forward as if he’d asked to see them then stopping herself. “Oh, but, I didn’t know what kind you like, so I just got the basic ones? I hope that’s okay. The display was pretty daunting.”

Ben could relate. He had bought condoms before, in his more optimistic youth, but having never used them he still hadn’t known which ones to get, and the wall of colourful boxes had been far from helpful. Lubricated, spermicide, numbing (for him), Ribbed For Her Pleasure, dots (??) also for her pleasure (were ribs or dots better? Did he need that to make her come and everyone else knew but never told him?), heating, cooling, extra-large, extra-thin… At least he could confidently ignore the ones that glowed in the dark. And the flavoured ones. He had not expected his speed-dating partner to want to do more than punch her ticket, and sucking his ticket-puncher definitely felt extraneous and unlikely.

In the end, he had picked Durex as the most popular brand – Right? Or was that Trojan? Or… Magnum? Wasn’t that an ice-cream? Or a gun? God, was he allergic to latex? – and done what Rey had done, picked the most basic one that promised not to break.

But Rey had brought condoms to Poe’s party. They’d been in her bag the entire time. Why did that turn him on so _much_?

 _She planned this, she planned this, she thought about this, she thought about me, she thought about_ it _, she wants- she wants to do it again. She liked it so much the first time that she wants to do it again, with me._

Ben threw the car into gear. “Let’s go to mine,” he said, reversing out of the space and pulling away a little too fast.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d want to,” Rey said quietly.

He glanced at her. She was watching him. It was alright for her, she wasn’t driving. Ben turned back to the road, feeling disadvantaged and put under the spotlight. “Why would you think that?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just wasn’t sure.”

“Well… Clearly, I… I do.”

She smiled. “I liked it, last time.”

“Good. Good to know. That’s… very, er…” He focused hard on making his turn.

“Did you?”

“Hm?”

“Like it?”

“Yes.” That wasn’t enough. “Of course I did.” More. “It would have been impossible not to.”

Rey reached out and put her hand on his knee. He jumped but didn’t crash the car. If he had thought having sex with Rey would have helped him be smooth, the opposite was true. Instead it was so much worse. Knowledge was _not_ power, knowledge was, in this case, a potentially life-threatening distraction.

“Ben, are you nervous?”

He let out a long breath. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m just an awkward person in general,” he grumbled, half hoping she didn’t hear, but she did, and she laughed.

“It’s not me?”

“No, it’s not you.”

A second of hesitation, then: “Have you ever had a girlfriend before? Or a partner?”

“Yes, I’ve had girlfriends before, but not like you.”

“What does that mean, like me?”

“Rey, I dated twenty-year-olds when I was twenty. Since then, not so much.”

“I’m twenty-three,” she objected.

He snorted, and checked his mirrors. “Same difference.”

She took her hand off his knee.

When she didn’t say anything else, he sensed he had fucked up. “And you’re out of my league, is what I mean. I know I’m expressing it badly. But you’re really beautiful and you have your whole life ahead of you, and people like you. Whatever your situation was two months ago, there’s nothing stopping you from finding someone your own age to- to-”

“What’s stopping _you_? From finding someone?”

“Me. I’m stopping me.”

“You don’t want a girlfriend?”

He sighed, probably too heavily. “It’s complicated. I don’t have time. I- There hasn’t really been anyone- I- I work a lot.” He nodded. There. That was the reason.

“Like tonight?”

“Yes, like tonight. You want to know why I don’t have a girlfriend? My boss-” He flicked his indicators on and changed lanes. “To my boss, 8 is on time, but 7:45 is better, and 9 is just lazy. If you’re in trouble, you’d better be there at 6. No one leaves before nine pm. I work thirteen-hour days Monday to Friday, and 9 ‘til 6 on Saturdays, sometimes a couple of hours on Sundays. I live at work. I haven’t bought groceries or cooked in… years. A guy on my floor had a baby? He got fired. You have to be _committed_.”

“Yeah, it sounds like you need to be committed,” Rey muttered, and Ben’s lips quirked, pleased by her quick little joke. “Aren’t you lawyers? Can’t you just sue?”

Ben laughed. “Sue Snoke? Oh my God, Rey, if you took my entire firm, and all the evil shit we’ve ever done, all the greed, all the callousness, and put us in a pan, and boiled us down until all that was left was a layer of black gunk on the bottom, that gunk would be Snoke. There is nothing any of us can do that he won’t see coming.”

“Why don’t you just quit?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? The one he’d been answering basically since his second year of law school. “If I quit, I’d never work again. I’d be done. Snoke would cut me in half. And… I don’t hate working there. It’s interesting.” He didn’t even convince himself with that one.

“Is that what you meant when you said I have my whole life ahead of me? Because you’re only thirty.”

“I’m thirty-two.”

“Same difference,” she replied, smirking as he walked into her trap.

“Okay, touché,” he allowed, smiling along with her.

“And I don’t think I’m out of your league.”

“Yeah, sure, okay.”

“Hey! Ben, I’m serious.” She shifted in her seat turning her body to face him. “You’re good-looking.”

“Rey, you don’t have to… flatter me. When it comes to you, I’m a sure thing, trust me.”

“I’m not flattering you, I’m being honest!”

“Right. You’ve forgotten I’ve spent much longer with my face than you have.”

“Errrrr, looking in a mirror? You can’t even see your face, not when it’s moving around and doing stuff.”

“I’m absolutely certain ‘moving around and doing stuff’ does not improve it.”

“How would you know when you can’t see it?”

He sighed. “Rey…”

“I’m just saying, I’m a better judge. I’ve got continuity, you know? I’ve got the movie, you’ve just got the poster.”

“That doesn’t even-”

“ _Plus_ , you know, I get different angles because your taller than me. You don’t even know what I see.”

“I’m sure looking up my nose-”

“ _And_ , out of the two of us, which of us is attracted to dudes, huh? I mean, you might be as well, I don’t know, but not as much as me. In this case, I win.”

“Because I’m not attracted to myself? And I’m not attracted to dudes.”

“Ha! You admit that I’m attracted to you. Case closed, councillor.”

He couldn’t help smiling. “I think you mean, ‘I rest my case’.”

“That’s not as alliterative.”

“Oh, someone’s been doing their English homework.”

“If I’m a nerd then so are you because you knew what I meant. Unless that was another crack about my age in which case… I don’t do homework anymore.”

“It wasn’t.”

“Good.”

They were nearly home. For a minute there, they had almost been… lively. He didn’t want it to end, and poked her again. “And I didn’t admit anything.”

“You so did.”

“I’m not going to fight you over this.”

“Good, because you already lost.”

His heart wasn’t in convincing her of his flaws. “If you want to find me attractive, fine, but I’m allowed to think you’re better looking, and you can’t stop me.”

“Fine, and you can’t stop me thinking you’re a stud.”

He laughed. “Okay, and you can’t stop me thinking you need your eyes tested.” He remembered the moles that dotted his face, his sprawling mouth. “And objectively, I’m not.”

“ _Objectively_? What the hell do you know about _objectively_? You think _you’re_ objective about your own body? You’re the most subjective there can be! You’re literally inside the thing we’re talking about!”

“ _I meant…_ ” He swung into the drive for his apartment building, scanning into the underground parking. “That two months ago, I’d never had sex before. That’s the opposite of a stud.”

“You can still be a stud and not have sex,” Rey argued, but her voice was distracted as she looked out the window, watching them park. He set the gears and turned off the engine. The sudden quiet was like a reminder of what they had gone there to do, as if a naked body had dropped onto the windscreen. Neither of them said anything. They turned to look at each other at the same time.

“Still want to?” he asked her.

Her expression set into one of determination. “Yes.” She opened her door and got out. When he followed, she said over the roof of the car, “I want my stud.”

He shook his head but allowed her to take his arm as he led her to the elevator. As they rode up, she started again.

“I’m rather proud of myself for that.”

“What?”

“Taking your virginity,” she said, poking him in the stomach like the Pillsbury Doughboy. She smiled up at him and her eyes twinkled and he just blushed. He found she could have done anything to him in that moment and he wouldn’t have lifted a finger to stop her. “It was like climbing Mount Everest,” she continued. “Or more like shoving Mount Everest up my-”

She cut herself off, as if _that_ was the point at which she got embarrassed. He watched her blush. _Mount Everest_ , huh? He’d remember that one.

She was so pretty. He couldn’t wait to get her into his apartment.

She dropped her eyes to the floor. “Wow, long elevator ride. What floor do you live on?”

At that point the door opened and spared him having to answer.

He remembered coming out of the elevator at the hotel and finding their room there as he put his key in his door and opened it for her, flicking on the lights. He was a little apprehensive about what he’d find. He didn’t clean much, but then he was never there to make a mess either.

He hadn’t decorated. It had been advertised as an ‘Executive’ apartment, newly built, and that suited him just fine, all the catalogue furniture and bland art and grey walls, black marble and chrome in the kitchen. He knew that once a week a woman came in and dusted, checked the fridge for expired food and changed his sheets, but he had no idea what day that was.

Rey didn’t seem to care. He turned around and she was just there, inches from his chest. He practically had to touch his chin to his chest to see her. She fiddled with his tie, lifting it, laying it down, smoothing her fingers over it. She tipped her head back to look at his face and laid her hands on his chest for balance, his only warning before she went up on her toes and they were kissing.

Small kisses, at first. Lips meeting and breaking apart, eyes open, asking questions. _Is this alright? Is this what you want?_ Then she came at him with her lips parted, her tongue showing like a pink pearl behind her teeth, and they were kissing for real. Ben put his hands on her waist and pulled her against him, bending down a little to make things easier for her. Rey hooked her arm around his neck, her hand tight on his shoulder. They closed their eyes, opened their mouths, and shared breath for an instant before that airway was cut off and they breathed through their noses against each other’s cheeks.

Rey’s tongue was… in his mouth. He didn’t have enough synapses firing to come up with anything more poetic than that. It was wet and slicked against his determinedly, even though his was bigger, and if that didn’t just sum her up entirely. He was bigger and nowhere near as brave but she reached out and he did what he could because, he suspected in this at least, he had a little more experience, a few more tricks. He knew how to tilt his mouth, nudge her lips apart with his, and _give_. On her next breath, Rey whimpered just faintly, and he slid his hand up her side.

It didn’t take long for him to sweep the length of her waist, there was so little of her compared to his hands. He squeezed from her hip upwards, feeling the hem of her T-shirt, the waistband of her leggings, her ribs, thin and fragile like a bird’s, and then her bra where it sat under her arm. His fingers mapped it around to her back, and his thumb lingered close to her breast. He didn’t dare cross the boundary line of her underwire, rubbing tentatively, uncertainly, asking permission and feeding on the brush of her solid cup against the tip of his thumb. She pressed down his front, weighing next to nothing, but she was warm, and he could smell her shampoo and deodorant, sweet girl smells.

His groin felt heavy but that was easily ignored when he had her in his arms and under his hands.

He was making out in his hall with a beautiful twenty-three-year-old in leggings. Since when was this his life?

After a few minutes, she pulled back, setting her heels on the floor and dropping a few inches in his arms, her weight changing, her breasts now closer to his stomach than his heart.

“Ben…” she said, swallowed, looked at his body, her eyes dancing after her hands as they ran down his front in that way they had, fingers spread, like she was miming rain trickling down window glass. Somehow her fingers made him feel harder than he was, muscles jumping up to meet her, as if under his skin he really was a marble god, the art she seemed to see if her expression was anything to go by. He waited for what she would say next. “Can we- Can we go to your bedroom?”

He swallowed too, nodded, and sucked their spit off his lips.

He took her hand and led her after him through his dark apartment. He didn’t turn the lights on, he didn’t try to give her the tour, none of the rest of it mattered. Just the bedroom, just the bed, and her naked body on it.

The door was open, the bed was made, the woman must have come today, which was all the proof he needed that the fates had blessed their union. He turned the lights on for her without breaking his stride. He sat on the bed and pulled her down to him, splitting her legs over his with his hands on her thighs and her ass, recreating their night two months ago. She swooped down to kiss him again and he tilted his head back for her as she bit and sucked on his lips. He was breathing fast but she didn’t seem to mind, her hands cupping his cheeks as she settled her weight on him, saddling him almost hip to hip. Maybe losing their virginity had cured some of their shyness after all, because she didn’t wait to fit his crotch into hers.

He slid his hand around her thigh and pushed his thumb into the softness between her thighs over her leggings, exploring her seam and looking for her clit. He wanted to make her soak her leggings, he wanted to make her come, he wanted to make her come a hundred times, he wanted to make her come so much it shocked her. She writhed against his hand, making him realise her hips’ full range of motion, and gave a little shout when he found her clit, a little “Hah!”, high-pitched and sudden. Their kiss broken, they watched each other for a moment as he made circles and she stared down at him, her mouth loose and the rest of her tight. With his other hand, he held her knee against his hip, keeping her legs open like he was some barbarian conqueror.

“Ben, take- take-” She pulled at his shirt and whimpered, reduced to animal noises.

Not that he was much better. He made the motion of swallowing, his tongue closing against the roof of his mouth, but nothing changed. He still spoke through a pit of gravel when he said “You do it. I’m busy,” and pushed his face into her neck, nudging her head back so he could kiss under her jaw, lick, suck, down into the hollows and tendons and under her ear.

She breathed in quick pants as her hands fumbled at the knot in his tie, tugging, frustrated, before giving up and working on his buttons. He felt almost like his skin shivered in anticipation of her touch, like an audience waiting to get splashed at Sea World, dreading and demanding it.

Her hand slipped inside the hole she had made, flattening her palm against his sternum, and there it was, the excruciating ecstasy of worrying about coming all over her and wanting it at the same time. He must be sweating. She felt the inside edge of his pec, rubbing and measuring, all while his thumb circled her clit and she threw her pubic bone into his hand. The cotton between them was hot and damp.

She whined. “Do you really want me to come like this?” she asked, as if for some reason he shouldn’t.

There was no reason _on Earth_ that could stop him wanting that. “Yes,” he said, with total certainty for once.

She moaned. She tried to open more buttons but her hands shook. She gave up and lay her head on his shoulder, her hands bunching in his hair, giving him goosebumps as her breath pumped against his neck. “Make me come,” she said. He pressed his finger into her hole and she moaned again, louder. “I want you.”

It came out like a confession.

“Rey.” He tried to get her head up using only his shoulder and the turn of his jaw. “Let me look at you. Let me see.” His dick was pulsing and it made him dizzy, the feeling of seeing a horse that should be corralled standing free, and being terrified it’s going to run. He didn’t even care if he did come in his pants at this point. It felt kind of beautiful, in his overheated mind, that they should both do it together, and he knew it wouldn’t be the end of their evening, he wouldn’t let it be.

Rey grunted and pulled back, her head rolling on her sex-soft neck, before she leant forward and almost kissed him, mostly tried to eat him. He was almost impressed. His mouth was bigger than hers, but she made an effort to cover it and licked down to his teeth. It lacked finesse, but communicated a buttload of feelings, and he liked it none the less. It made him smile, and she touched the corner of his mouth with her thumb when she saw it.

Getting back on track, soft moment over, horny mode re-engaging, he dug his finger into the hollow of her pussy and twisted, watching as it made her cry out first, then shudder, her body pulsing in little jumps as her cunt asked for him in squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

“Ben!” she said, looking at him almost betrayed, almost scared, lost. He watched her fall apart, feeling smug, and a little disappointed he wasn’t flooding his slacks with her. He _hurt_ with wanting to be inside her, wanting to feel _that_ on his cock, wanting to fill her up and give her nowhere to go. He put the arm that had been on her knee around her back and crushed her to him. She seemed to like that.

Before she had even finished, she shoved her hand between them and grabbed a blind fistful of his dick. Ben grunted as every muscle tensed, his spine straightening, his ribs slamming together over his lungs.

 _Woah, fuck, wait, hang on, hey hey hey-!_ sounded in his brain, then she squeezed him again, maybe even accidentally as she searched for her grip in the tangled space.

Ben threw his head back, closed his eyes, bit his lip, panicked, tried so hard not to come and still did it anyway, fighting every pulse of jizz as it rushed from him like sailors from a sinking submarine. _Traitor_ , he cursed his body, letting out a long groan.

He reconfirmed for himself that coming with another person was a graceless exercise. Hard to look cool when he’s grabbing Rey’s hips and thrusting bluntly against his zipper like a confused dog humping a cuddly toy.

He heard her little gasp. He felt the wetness spread in his underwear, hot, but not as hot as she would be.

When his muscles released and he could stop the involuntary primal pumping, he heaved a breath like he was coming up from the bottom of the ocean. He groaned again, and fell onto his elbows, catching himself at the last minute from collapsing like a maiden, a marathon runner, roadkill. When he looked at Rey she was flushed, hair somehow astray without being touched as far as he could recall, and she was looking at him like he’d just done magic. She twinkled. 

She ran her hand slowly up his stomach, as if checking he was still real, still all there, and bit her lip.

Well, he supposed they were… _doing something_ , even if they weren’t in a relationship per se, and that allowed, nay, _demanded_ a certain familiarity. He waved her down to him, knowing he looked ridiculous with his jacket and tie still on, and an open window in his shirt exposing the bland terrain of his sternum. “Come down here, I’m not getting up there.” Jizz was running down the inside of his thigh into the crease where his ass met his thigh. Gross. 

Rey leant over him and he pulled her the rest of the way down to kiss her, which seemed the thing to do after something like that. They were both sweaty, too dressed, and come-lazy. It was a shallow, languid kiss, more of a thank you and a reassurance than anything else. He ran his hands up her waist, amazing himself with the interest that still sparked for her even as his arousal washed away like the tide with his orgasm, leaving him feeling like cold wet sand that had that strange jelly texture to it.

Rey breathed in small puffs, and he felt for a moment like he was a dish being eaten by hungry cat that couldn’t quite get her teeth in. He found he liked the feeling, stupid visual that it was.

He nudged Rey off him. “I have to…” Change? It wasn’t like he was going to put new clothes on. But it felt strange to strip naked _now_. He didn’t want that to be it, but they both needed to take five before they continued. “Clean up.”

He fished some sweatpants out of his dresser drawers and kissed her again before waddling off to the bathroom. He peeled himself out of everything, wiped the come off, and climbed into the sweatpants. He looked at himself in the mirror. She had seen him naked before, he reminded himself. Shirtless was nothing, not after what they had just done, and perhaps it would look cool, confident, to go striding in there like this.

Mind made up and suit kicked into a pile in the corner, he went back to his bedroom and found Rey exactly where he had left her. Smiling, he stood over her and tugged her T-shirt up her body and over her head, her arms falling out last and her hair disarrayed. He watched her take it out of its ties and shake it out with her hands. He couldn’t reach the clasp to her bra while she lay on her back, so he tugged on the thin bit between the cups to prompt her, and her body did very interesting things when she arched her back to get her hands underneath her. She pulled the bra off down her arms and he took it to add it to the pile by the bed, noting how hot it was in his hand.

He’d meant to undress her totally, but… now he could see her breasts and was thoroughly side-tracked. Yes, he’d just come, but there was a feeling there, inside him, that wanted to kiss and cuddle her naked breasts just because, not as foreplay or because his dick was hard, but because he knew how soft they were.

He thunked to his knees and the dull noise made Rey grin, and he realised how easily he had been felled by her. Barbarian conqueror? Him? He was at best a desperately besotted knight, ready to run himself through if it would make her laugh, and brought to his knees by just the sight of her little tits and brown berry nipples.

He smiled ruefully, acknowledging it, and reached for her. He banded her ribs with his hands and pulled her towards him. She split her thighs so he could get as close as possible, and she smelled delicious, kind of like cookies though also not in any way resembling cookies. It was a hot body skin smell and it made his mouth water and his dick wake up. Her legs went under his arms. He leant into her so her wet crotch rubbed against his chest. He had to hold his arms out because of her legs being where they were, and it made him feel like the Creature From The Black Lagoon looming up and over her, but he also didn’t care. She giggled sweetly as he lifted her ribcage like a plate and licked her collarbones. She pushed her fingers through his hair, lifting it and playing with it as he kissed down her chest.

“Do you really like my boobs so much?” she murmured, and he paused, caught in a freeze-frame right before he went in for his fill, so his jaw was practically unhinged and his tongue was half-out. He met her eyes and nodded. “They’re not very big,” she continued, and he growled, diving for her and sucking her right breast into his mouth so hard that she squealed. That squeal turned to an “ _Ah!_ ” when he jammed his hand into her pants, seizing her cunt and rolling his middle finger as deep as it would go.

She twisted and writhed, trying to temper either his hand or his mouth, but he kept hold of her and flicked his tongue against her nipple. She was so wet around his hand. If he had his way, he’d turn her whole breast into a love bite, make it swollen and sensitive for him, so just breathing on her would make her whimper. But, he supposed, he should answer her. He pulled off her.

“Your tits are perfect the way they are,” he said, unable to think of anything better. He didn’t want to tell her how they made him want to _eat_ her, or how he wanted to rub his dick on one and watch it bounce. He didn’t want to scare her, but he also wasn’t _Cosmo_ , he couldn’t teach her to love her body the way it was, bla bla. Her little cupcakes made his dick hard and eventually she’d figure that out when she had to push him off them every time they had sex.

Because, somewhere along the course of the night, he had assumed that if it wasn’t a one-time thing, if she’d liked the first time enough to do it twice, she’d want to do it again.

She didn’t seem to want to say more, perhaps taking him at his word, so he dipped his head again and went back to what he was doing. He revelled in timing the sucks and licks of his mouth with the strokes of his finger. He daren’t push her after what happened last time, but she took one with no trouble, so he made sure she felt it.

“Hmm, Ben…” she moaned, pushing against him with every part of her as her body curled and writhed. She pushed her chest up into his face, her hands down against his shoulders, her thighs squeezed his waist, her feet pushed his hips down. Conflicting requests, certainly, but he was enough of a big lump to take it.

He finished with one breast and turned his face to watch his finger and thumb pinch and roll the nipple of the other. Then he sealed his mouth over it, warming it in apology.

“Ben…”

Ah, there was the note of impatience he’d been waiting for. “You want more?” He looked up her body. She nodded shyly. That look, delivered to him through the valley of her naked chest, with her thighs around his ribs and her pussy tight around his finger… He loved that look.

He pulled away from her, extricating himself from all her ties, pulling his hand out of her leggings until she was on the bed by herself and he was a free man. He hooked his hands in the waistband of her leggings and pulled them and her underwear all the way down her legs until she was, obviously, naked. He looked at her, clenching and spreading his right hand. He’d had a plan, or not so much a plan but a wish, but looking at her, his confidence faltered.

“Can I eat you out?” he had to ask. He’d meant to just go for it, like he was sure guys normally did, but he was- had been a virgin and she had too. He had never done this before and she might never have had it done to her so he felt he should ask. He didn’t want to get kicked in the head.

“Oh, um…”

He wondered if she deliberately tightened her thighs together like that, or if it had been a reflex, because she didn’t want him there. “I want to,” he added, in case that helped.

“Okay… If- If you want to…” She gripped his comforter in her fists, bracing herself.

He eased her legs apart.

“I-! It’s- I mean-”

He looked at her face, forcing himself to ignore her pussy a thigh-length from his face. “What?”

She was making all kinds of expressions, her eyes darting around as she bit her lip or huffed. “I mean you already _know_ …” She sounded almost annoyed. “I already like, came once so it’s not gonna be- it’s like… wet down there.”

 _Ohhh._ He pressed a kiss to her belly and stayed there. “I know. I’m going to clean you up.” He kissed lower, her skin pulsing warm and fluttering nervously to have him so close, thrumming against his lips.

She didn’t say anything, just edged her thighs apart after he kissed her pubic bone, her trimmed hair strange against his lips, soft but prickly. He didn’t waste time looking. He wanted to, but he thought it would make her uncomfortable, so he would just have to – in the words of Olivia Newton John – _feel_ his way.

He left his nose sitting on her mound, opened his mouth, and licked. Her licked her _up_ , like she was melting. The taste took him aback at first. It was very distinctly a body taste, and he was not used to putting body things in his mouth, let alone swallowing them.

But.

By the time the first lick had reached the back of his throat, he’d decided he liked it. Maybe it was full of pheromones or something, or maybe the taste of pussy was encrypted into his caveman brain DNA, but it was intimate and fucking sexy. His dick ached, going from three-quarters hard to like, five-quarters. There was pussy in front of him, and more than that, _Rey_. Rey’s pussy.

He licked again, mapping her. There was her entrance, there her inner lips, there her clit. He gathered more of her taste on his tongue and left more of his spit, his taste, he supposed, behind. It’s strange, he thought again, infinitely strange. That time he thought it because his tongue… well, he could move his tongue. He could push, suck, move her around, enter her. She couldn’t move her pussy, not deliberately, not to any great effect. So it was not like a kiss, because she couldn’t touch him back, and yet… His tongue was definitely the supplicant between the two of them. Somehow it felt like that.

He touched the tip of his tongue to her clit to see what happened. Rey gasped, twitched. He licked over it.

“Ben,” she called to him, her voice high and shaking.

He did it again. And again. He set to it, in a fury, in a frenzy, in a trance. He connected reactions to spots, he licked, sucked, probed. He held her down to the bed, he pulled her hips against him. His breath huffed heavy, he half-suffocated himself between breaks for air that lasted seconds, if that. He rubbed himself against her, onto her, into her. He nosed. He nosed like a dog, and he licked, he drank. Sometimes he thought _What does this do? What does this do?_ and sometimes all he wanted was to drill into her clit and make her come, come, come, keep her interested so she would indulge his time-wasting with different techniques that flit into his brain.

He looked at her, held her eyes when she was watching him, her face and belly tight, her mouth going _oh, oh, oh_ , even if the only sound coming out was her panting breath or the occasional yelp when he did something new. He looked at her when she was not watching him, when her head was tossing against the bed and her eyes were closed, and her hands were gripping and the tendons in her neck stood out and her skin was so _red_. Sometimes he closed his eyes, when he delighted, or when he moved in such a way that he would only have been staring at her pubes and skin.

Her mouth, above him, sang a symphony.

_Oh, ah, ooh, mmm, ha, nng,_

_Ben,_

_yes, there, please, Ben, yes._

Her thighs around his head tensed, released, tensed, released. He put his hands to them, gripping, fingers sinking in, helping her not to crush him when she was clearly trying so hard not to. Her thighs were strong, her legs toned all the way down.

He sunk his thumb into her. It made him feel like he had a hold on her, like he could take a grip, fill a handful. He changed that for his finger for more reach. He made that two fingers. She was wet and pulsed around him and he didn’t know, not really, what to do with them other than pump in and out, but he paid attention to speed, rhythm, depth, what got the best response, until she sobbed, out of control.

This felt… He was hard. He was horny. And yet, he wasn’t impatient. He wasn’t hurrying. If anything he wanted to draw it out. He couldn’t figure it out, but in that moment, he preferred to have his face between her thighs than his dick. It felt like something another man couldn’t do, not the way he could, and it cost him nothing. He was more comfortable shaking her apart than flying into pieces himself just then.

Finally, when she put her hand on his head, sliding her fingers through his sweaty hair and making him shiver, he sucked on her clit until she came, twisting and pumping his fingers inside her.

She screamed.

Almost.

She came with a protracted “ _Ah-ah-ah-ah!_ ”, her hips bucking into his face.

She was louder than she probably thought she was, or wanted to be, so Ben was going to count it, because he wanted to say he made her scream. He made a woman – Rey –  scream with his tongue. If anyone else had been in the apartment, they definitely would have heard.

He licked her through it until she twisted away from him, almost rolling onto her side. He let her down gently, careful how he arranged her legs as he pulled away from her. She panted on the bed as he ducked down and wiped his face and hands on his duvet. Now he noticed his dick, hot and hard and heavy. He crawled up beside Rey, watching her face carefully. He didn’t know whether to be smug or concerned, because now he was almost afraid he’d hurt her somehow. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to come that hard? He didn’t know, she wasn’t saying anything and her eyes were closed.

She pushed her hair back and opened her eyes, finding his face. There was something in her expression he didn’t quite recognise.

“That was amazing,” she whispered. “I’d offer to do it to you but I don’t know if I can compete. I mean, I will if you want, but it’s not going to be like _that_.”

Oh, she was _impressed_. That was the look. She was genuinely impressed, a little stunned, otherwise known as pleasantly surprised. Reassured, Ben grinned, stretching out and propping his head up on his fist.

“You don’t have to,” he said, his voice soft and expression gentle, while on the inside he preened and rolled around in the opportunity to be magnanimous. There was a parade going on inside him for _him_ , the hero of the hour, who’d done something right, something _amazing_ no less, in bed. Sex god Ben Solo, yes that was him.

Rey let her hand fall against his chest, holding his eyes, her knuckles sweeping back and forth over his heart. She looked down at the tent in his sweatpants, his dick straining enough to pull his waistband away from his stomach by half an inch. She looked back at his face, back at his dick.

“You want to…?”

“Hmm?”

“How do you want to-? I mean, I can- What do you want?”

“What do _you_ want?” He wanted in her pussy. He wanted to come. He wanted to _do it_ again. But she also seemed kind of tired and to be honest, so was he.

“I want… I want you on top of me, like before. I liked that,” Rey said, looking almost shy.

She liked that? First of all, he’d been sure it had hurt, at least a bit, and secondly, what was there to like about having him sweating and lumbering on top of her?

But he wasn’t going to say no. He forced himself up. “I’ll get a condom.” He still had the rest of the box from two months ago. Imagine _finishing_ a box of condoms. _Running out._ That would be his new goal in life, now that he wasn’t a virgin anymore.

He kept them in his nightstand drawer, of course. He fiddled one out of the thin box, walked back to the bed. Rey was on her hands and knees, pulling back the duvet so they could have sex actually _in_ the bed, with a pillow under her head. It was jarring for a second, to see her moving naked with no thought to her nakedness in front of him, as if it was a non-issue, preparing his bed for them to share. Honestly, it felt like they’d been married for years and he’d just skipped that bit, walked through a hole in time. He shook himself out of it. The intimacy, the familiarity, was sweet, deliciously sweet, but they weren’t _married_ for Christ’s sake and this, his second dicking, could still go wrong. He mustn’t get complacent and underestimate his ability to fuck up.

He cleared his throat to calm himself, accomplishing the opposite by drawing her attention just in time to watch him take his sweatpants off. He climbed into the bed after her, certain she had got a good look at his balls that time. The duvet was pushed out of the way, they weren’t going to do this under the covers. They weren’t _that_ much like an old married couple then, he joked to himself.

She watched him put the condom on. He wished she wouldn’t. He got into position, kneeling at her feet, just like he had two months ago though marginally less awkward because now he had done this before and he had already come once.

As he shuffled close to her, Rey grinned suddenly and opened her arms out for him. He took his cue and crawled over her, fitting himself against her as she pulled him down, humming happily.

She ran her hands over his back. “You feel nice. Familiar.”

He didn’t know what to say, too focused on her breasts again flattened against his chest as his eclipsed hers, and his dick inhabiting a space made up of him, the bed, and her, her cunt, tickling the hairs on his stomach.

“Ben, can I ask you for something?” she whispered, and the hair on the back of his neck pricked. He might love this, or he might hate it.

“What?”

“Can you… Can you put your weight on me?”

He looked down at her, trying to figure her out, thinking maybe he’d misheard. She smiled up at him, half-shameless, confident he’d do it, and half-shy, worried he wouldn’t.

She explained. “I just want to feel it. You’re so big, I can’t touch all of you, can’t hold all of you, but your weight, I could. That would be holding all of you, mostly. Then I could feel all of you at once.” She looked at her fingers where they sat on his shoulder.

“I’ll crush you,” he pointed out.

“No, you won’t, I’ll sink into the mattress.”

As bedroom requests went, it wasn’t as sexy as he’d hoped. It was a little weird, a little left-field, but she had her reasons that seemed to make sense. It might have been bullshit that she was using to justify some sort of kink, but even if it was, it was still harmless enough. It felt mean to say no.

“Okay.”

Rey lit up and shifted under him. He moved too, so his head would land next to hers, over her shoulder. He glanced at her to make sure she was ready, then slowly, uncertainly, let himself down. Their skin pressed together, her feet at his calves, her hips digging into his stomach, her ribs bending under his. He let her have more, and her breath rushed from her with a “hurk” noise. He watched her face but she was nodding, her arms pulling on his back.

More and more, until her eyes closed in bliss. She wasn’t breathing. He watched her, thinking she was a little weird and definitely too into this.

“All of it,” she hissed with what breath she had left.

Deciding to just go with it, Ben pushed his arms out from under him, no longer taking any of his own weight. Rey started a worrying noise, like an engine failing to turn over, until he realised she was laughing with lungs that couldn’t fill. She hugged him, and rubbed her face against him, snuggling into his neck and shoulder. Then she tapped out and Ben bolted up. She gasped, and kept laughing.

She chuckled herself out, then cupped his jaw and rose up to kiss him. “Thanks, I know that was weird, I just wanted to see what it was like, you know? Having a man on top of me.”

Ben still wasn’t sure, but he didn’t say anything. She pulled her legs out from under him, planting her feet and pressing her thighs to his hips.

“We can do it now,” she said.

Ben wasn’t sure he should just slide home after that, though she seemed to be inviting him to. He got into position anyway. “Tell me if it hurts again,” he said, then leant on one arm and used his free hand to grip his cock and press the head against her. He had been fingering her a bit and it had seemed okay. She wasn’t a virgin anymore and this time she knew from experience what she was getting. If she thought it would go badly, she wouldn’t be lying there so relaxed, looking at him with that soft, indulgent smile.

 _Oh well_ , he thought, deciding to trust her judgement. Pressing his lips together, he curled his hips and pushed his dick inside her, watching her face carefully.

Would he ever get used to this feeling? Logic said yes. His soul, however, said no. The kind of man that Ben was, the kind of life he’d led, did not allow for him to get used to this. It was like… It didn’t feel like he should be able to go in. It didn’t feel like there was an opening there, inside her. He expected to hit a wall because his dick was surrounded by hot tight muscle on every side, wrapped around the tip like a hand in a glove, and yet when he kept pushing, she kept opening, and he kept going in until her soft lips ringed the base of his cock, skin to skin and bush to bush.

Rey moaned softly as he worked himself inside in short thrusts, her mouth falling open and her leg working reflexively against his hip. She gripped his arm and looked at him, her eyes big and she was _so_ beautiful.

 _Why did he do this?_ The sensation was overwhelming. He didn’t have the neural pathways for this, he couldn’t interpret it, his body burned as it tried to figure out what was happening. His dick was in something that wasn’t his hand, something tight and hot and alien, and was that bad? Was that dangerous? Should he panic? But at the same time it felt good, like a woman kissing the head of his cock with the soft insides of her lips had felt good in college, and he couldn’t tell how long he had before he came. He kind of felt like he was coming already, except he wasn’t because there was none of the pulsing, none of the physical mechanics.

He grunted and put his other hand down beside Rey’s head, his arms shaking. Now he was lopsided, one arm straight and one bent, but he couldn’t possibly sort that out before his dick calmed down, if it was ever going to. Truly, nothing on Earth felt like this. The things he had done with other women had their merits, for sure, but nothing _felt_ like this. 

“Okay?” he rasped.

Rey nodded, licking her lips.

He dropped closer to her, sorting out the arm situation – hell, almost snuggling. She’d made it clear she liked to feel him, to a degree he still found a little weird, and he liked the closeness of it, the comfort of the intimacy. His dick was locked in her pussy, sure, but he still had an appetite for the skin of her belly against his, and her nipples brushing his chest when she breathed and wriggled under him. Although, he thought, shifting covertly, no one had ever warned him how careful he would have to be not to crush his own balls when having sex. 

He let out the breath he’d been strangling in his lungs as the panicked ecstasy coming from his cock was downgraded from a DEFCON 1 to a 3 (Airforce ready to mobilise in fifteen minutes.)

Rey tightened her arms around his ribs, cuddling up into him, and he pulled his cock back out of her, feeling the suck of her pussy that wanted him to stay. When he pushed in again, less gently, Rey grunted.

Was he really sure his spinal cord was in his back? He sure felt like every nerve in his body was connected to his dick. His mouth fell open and he panted against her neck, moving on from trying to be careful and explorative to just letting his hips jump, listening to the small wet squelch and feeling the corresponding squeeze in her for every one of his thrusts.

Her pleasure was so new to him. It happened outside of him and yet he had control of it. It kept bringing him out of his own head, until he was just watching her, testing what angle and what speed forced a moan from her like toothpaste from a tube, her eyes widening with surprise. Maybe he could have made love to her gently, steadily, but this was fascinating. Masturbating, porn, his previous girlfriends, none of them had prepared him for this, what a real woman, a woman like Rey would do when his dick was working inside her. He wondered how it felt for her.

Their bodies bounced together and she gasped, switched to little “Ah! Ah! Ah!”s, caught herself and pressed her lips together, smothering herself as her eyes rolled to look at his face. Then her brow creased as it built up inside her and had to come out, bubbling out in “Ben, Ben, Ben.” He kissed her cheek, he kissed her neck, he held her to him like he hadn’t held anything since his childhood teddy bear, like she was precious.

He groaned into her neck and reached down for her thigh, pulling it higher on his waist, and changing the pitch of Rey’s breathing. He didn’t even notice that he appeared to be doing very well. All he could think about was trying to match her pace, trying to judge how close she was to coming so he wouldn’t come before her but could come as soon as she did, and not giving into the temptation to just chase his orgasm now. He felt airy, sensations bypassing his higher brain functions to talk only to his nerves which made their own decisions now, so he could only watch as his hips worked on their own.

“Rey…” he breathed, trying to communicate something but unable to even think of the sentence let alone finish it.

Her fingers slid up his back, slipping in his sweat as she tried to grip his hips, his ass, so she ended up practically clawing him somewhere over his kidneys.

“Rey…”

She turned her face into his, pushing their cheeks together, nuzzling.

Suddenly he wanted her to come, like _now_ , as if he’d received an early warning from his own orgasm. He pulled back a little, giving himself room to change the angle of his thrusts, though he was guessing at what would be an improvement. He pushed on her thighs, he reached for her clit.

“Ah! Ben!” she cried, staring at him again with that look that was almost betrayed, as if she’d asked for an ice cream and he’d told her she could only have one if she swallowed it whole. The pleasure was too big, it scared her, that he could force it down her throat like this.

“It’s okay, come,” he said. “Come.”

Just like last time, she seemed to understand his command for what it was, and helped him get her there. Her legs forced him into position, her hands grabbed his hair, then his chest, then his face as she made him kiss her. He gripped her breast, rolling her nipple under his thumb. Her hips bumped up against him and inside she got so tight his rhythm was forcibly slowed as it grew harder to get in and out of her.

She tore away from the kiss, gasping, and when she cried his name again, she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face against his throat, keening. Her cunt locked, forcing a grunt from him as if his lungs crushed themselves in sympathy with his dick.

“You’re amazing, Rey.” He couldn’t stop moving, even as he logged the pulses of her cunt, fucking her through it. He didn’t stop when she went slack either, her head and shoulders dropping back against the bed. He kept fucking, and she watched him, staring up at him, panting through her open mouth, flushed and sweaty. When the tightness in his spine moved to his balls and he knew he was close, he hid his face in her neck too, still shy. He gasped and groaned as his dick throbbed and poured come into the condom.

God, he didn’t feel like he could leave her, but he had to while he was still hard and the condom still tight on him. He pulled away only as much as he needed to to fall out of her, then he lay with his head on her chest, holding her. He felt her fingers work through his sweaty hair, the air chilling his scalp.

Neither of them had anything to say, not until the tide of sex chemicals receded from his blood and he could think somewhat clearly again. He heaved himself off her then, disposing of the condom, which was slimy inside and out and rather disgusting. He wiped his fingers on the sheets when he came back to the bed, lying down and dragging the duvet over them. Rey tucked herself into his side and he put his arm out for her. It came naturally, which surprised him but he didn’t question it. Once she lay still, Rey sighed, as if she was finally comfortable. She pressed a kiss to his chest.

“I… I have to go to work tomorrow, but you can stay over if you want, I’ll just need to get up early. I can drive you back though,” he offered, thinking of her on an early morning subway in her leggings that now smelled like pussy. “I could find you something to wear home.” No he couldn’t, there was no way he had anything even remotely her size, but he could make a show of looking.

Rey hummed drowsily. “Thanks.” She turned her head and touched his Adam’s apple – and kept touching it.

“What are you doing?” he asked, bemused. She’d started giggling as soon as he’d started speaking.

“It moves!”

“Yeah, it moves.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just curious. I don’t have one.” She continued to hold her fingers gently to his throat, measuring and pressing.

He waited until she’d had her fill and taken her hand away before speaking again. “Finn won’t let you touch his?” he said, disliking the petulant tone hiding under his words.

“I couldn’t do that to Finn! It would be weird.”

“Why?”

“We’re friends!”

“We’re not?”

She looked at him. “We can be friends. But it’s different when you’re sleeping with someone. You wouldn’t let the women you’re friends with touch you like that, would you?”

He thought about Phasma. No he would not let her put her hands on his throat. “I hadn’t realised there were rules,” he said, trying to tease her.

It didn’t land. The look in her eyes changed as she considered him, propped up on her elbow, his arm under her. “So you don’t have time to date.”

It took him a second to realise she was returning to their earlier conversation. “No, not if I want to keep my job.”

“And do you?”

“I don’t think Snoke would let me go just like that.”

She made a face, pouting.

He knew what she was asking. He wasn’t that clueless. She didn’t want to keep sleeping with a guy she wasn’t dating, and he sure as hell wanted to keep sleeping with her, and kissing her, and… His job was soul-destroying. He wanted her in his life. He knew eventually it would come down to one or the other, but he needed her to pull him out, he couldn’t do it on his own.

“But I have long lunch breaks, and dinner breaks. We could… eat,” he offered.

Rey smiled. “I like eating.”

“Good. I know where’s good, too. I can take you. There’s a sushi place-”

She cut him off with a kiss. “I’ve never had sushi,” she admitted when she pulled back.

“Oh. Well, it’s nice. This place is the best in the city. They know me there. Or at least, I think they’re a little scared of me. They know I work for Snoke, I think they think I’ll sue, so I always get great service, and like, ten percent off my bill.”

Rey laughed. “Okay. Can’t wait.”

He swallowed, thinking it only fair to warn her. “Rey… I’m not an interesting person. I basically work and that’s it, and I can’t tell you about any of my cases.”

“You can tell me about sushi,” she said, her fingers walking in place on his chest. She watched them. “I’m not an interesting person either. I haven’t gone anywhere or done anything. I don’t know anyone cool and I’m not smart. I can’t talk about politics if you’re into that.”

He pulled her into him. “Hmm, well I can talk about politics and sushi, and you can tell me about your life so far. I want to know.”

“That’s… not a good story.”

His breath stopped in his chest for a second, tripping before moving on. “That’s okay. I still want to know.” He kissed the top of her head.

For a moment she was quiet, then she asked “So when you said you have to get up early, like how early are we talking?”

“It’s Saturday tomorrow, so I don’t have to be there until nine… If I’m taking you home too… 6:30?”

“ _Urgh_. And what time is it now?”

Ben looked at his alarm clock. “Almost three.”

Rey half-laughed, half-sobbed, shaking against him. “Ben!...”

“I know. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was worth it. Beside, you must know a good coffee place if you do this all the time.”

“I do, actually,” he said, pleasantly surprising himself by being helpful for once. “I know several. We can- We can get coffee…” He cleared his throat. It sounded like a date. It _was_ a date. Ben might have just got himself a girlfriend, winning her over with his sex skills, how about that?

“Yeah,” Rey said. “Sounds nice.” She kissed him again, then traced her finger along the bridge of his nose, and Ben got the impression this was another part of him she’d been wanting to touch for some time. “Now sleep.”

Ben got up to turn the lights off.

 

 

 


End file.
